even if i wanted to...

i feel as if even if i wanted to
i couldn't leave
i couldn't say no
it must be my motivation
determination
and lack of strength
what does it say about me
that i've never changed my mind?
is it will power?
fear?
or am i just meant to teach?
i hope and pray it's the latter
i want to teach
i know i'll be good at it
but i'm afraid.
what does that fear mean?
i've always been confident. and now,
when it matters most,
i'm afraid
will they respect me?
will they like me?
will they learn from me?
what matters most is that they learn.
and even though i don't yet know them,
i love them.
i'm happy to know that that love will change lives
and when i reflect on that
i'm no longer afraid.